Log 2 - Ye olde Silicon Valley

I had a plan.

Commitment isn’t my strongest feat, and distraction is an occupational hazard. Back in March, I’d published this site in hopes that I’d be able to keep myself focused on the things I wanted to prioritize—the whole make it public, so you’re forced to follow through gamut. I’d listed a whole to-do section in my last log, iterating on everything I had my mind on learning in the next few months. The idea was to cross them off one by one as and when I had some practice.

Solid plan, except, it went down the gutter quicker than I could look up goodreads for the books I’d said I’d read. It wasn’t a lack of commitment this time around, although I can’t guarantee it wouldn’t have come down to it. No, I scored an internship.

Summer break was right around the corner. I’d registered for a few courses to keep busy, but I was also looking forward to a break from the monotony of college. I got my break alright, a 6-month+ one at that.

The funny thing about time is its unwavering apathy for your need to process things. I can’t recall hunting for a place to stay, or packing my bags, or even saying goodbye to my friends. Somehow, I was on a flight to Bangalore, and then I was in a cab, and finally in a room, excited but nervous. Excited because I’d finally be able to get some real-world experience, nervous because I’d finally be able to get some real world experience.

I have an unconventional role of a design engineer intern at Headout. It’s pretty self-explanatory: I’m part designer, part engineer, and very confused. Unconventional roles come with an equally different hiring process. If I ever document my experience, I’ll link it here. For now, it looks like I had a good enough interview to get the job. I’m not complaining. Fitting into the role, however, was equal parts natural and perplexing.

Job description-wise, I’m neither a designer nor an engineer. I’m a designer who can code and an engineer who can design. I’m also a designer who can’t design and an engineer who can’t code. I’m not sure if I’m a jack of all trades, or a master of none. Now that I was working, I had to figure out how to upskill both ways. I’m still figuring it out. The good news is that I’m not restricted to either. Engineering is usually pretty strict with task structure. Then again, it’s a battle-tested method. What do you do when you have a bunch of smart people where everyone can do everything? You divide them into groups (product, platform, QA) and then into subgroups (also called pods in Headout). Precision doesn’t come easy if you don’t dedicate enough time and effort to a task; that’s why the segregation seems necessary. The engineers, each with their distinct roles, work together like the finely tuned gears of a clock, coming together to make a complex product function smoothly. Design, however, is more flexible. Fewer people means less structure and more interaction and/or collaboration.

I get (the best of) both worlds, theoretically - enjoying the creative liberty and freedom of choice that design offers, all the while having the means to execute them without the overhead of making someone else understand my vision. That means diving headfirst into a ton of codebases, big or small, app or web, but only scratching the surface. I’ve been a part of multiple projects across multiple verticals, meeting various people specializing in different fields. However, I’m yet to find a project that I can call my own, and haven’t decided if being a generalist is my thing. I’m learning a lot, though, and I’m having fun.

Internship aside, I’m getting used to Bangalore. I don’t mean it in a cynical way. Metropolises suffer from a massive endemic of what I like to call romanticized conformity. It’s bizarre how, despite housing thousands of people hailing from hundreds of different cultures and backgrounds, you still can’t find a place that has a personality of its own. Cookie-cutter high-rise buildings with half-built metro tracks meandering through a perpetual traffic jam give a weird sense of déjà vu no matter where you are. I bear no malice, it’s a young, thriving, hustling city, but it’s also a shallow city. Every few steps you take, you’ll find a café or a startup, and people glued to their laptops, even while gridlocked in traffic. If you’re in the heart of the city, every second person is a techie. There are more PGs than there are houses, and more cafés than there are people. It’s a city of paradoxes, a walking, breathing reel, always glamorous. Does the city have a history? I do not know. Everyone has weekend plans, but there’s essentially just one park (and one street) to visit. Despite hosting swarms of talented people, there’s rarely a meet-up that has actual substance and isn’t about networking. This is a city made of employee IDs, running on ambition and caffeine. It’s a city of dreams and shattered dreams, a city of opportunity and exploitation. Either way, I’ve gotten used to this titan of a city.

The silver lining is that I’m not alone here. I have a few friends from college and a few more from work. I spend evenings with my friends and my partner, and weekends with extended family. Sharing a room with college friends reminds me of life in hostel, except there are no curfews or wardens. The golden lining is Blinkit, my steadily growing vice that’s slowly but surely burning a hole in my pocket. I have ordered popsicles at 3 a.m., and I’m not ashamed. The freedom of choice is the only part of adulting that I’m enjoying.

I’ll be staying in Bangalore for two more months at best. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make the most of it, but I’m trying; I’m trying to improve my coding, my designing, my writing, my drawing, my cooking—essentially, to become a better version of myself. I’m trying to learn how to be an adult before I have to head back to college. The thought of settling back into the routine and restrictions of a student intimidates me. I’ve grown lax, in hindsight. The uncertainty of coming back once I leave is part of the anxiety, I was only here as an intern, after all. Like I said, I’ve gotten used to Bangalore. I’m not sure if I have the heart to leave both, the city and the people.

I want to end this log in an optimistic note. If/when I come back, I want to learn Kanada, and driving. I’ll log that as well, whenever I do.